Confused
by Darke-Faerie
Summary: 26 year old Akutagawa had never understood the concept of dating, love, romance, he hoped a date with 24 year old Atsushi would change his mind, make him feel more...normal. There will be 3 chapters :)
1. Confused

A/N So, I've tried to capture a more confused/frustrated take on dating etc, I've aged the characters up (26/24) so Akutagawa's problems with his inexperience would have a bit more impact. Atsushi has dated around prior to this, they both have their abilities and the ADA/Mafia are having some sort of working well together truce.

Edit - didn't quite realise this was asexuality (why yes, I am probably in more denial than Akutagawa) anyway, bits of this could read as dubious consent (I was aiming for it to be more eager/clear but vague it is!) and Akutagawa has a lot of denial and all the problems that come with that (thank you commenter on AO3 for pointing these out) :)

Please let me know what you think :)

He had never understood the concept of dating, fancying someone or anything to do with the world of romance. As a teenager he didn't really have an interest in anyone male, female, whatever. He just told himself he was more interested in focusing on controlling his ability, and the school classes Koyou and other mafia elders held, (Mori didn't want any idiots in his mafia.) He had pushed all thoughts of sex and kissing into a corner of his mind, boxing it off from the rest of him. He never saw anyone that made him want to explore those things anyway.

As he aged, he just told himself he was picky, that his disinterest was normal, all the people he saw were ugly or otherwise didn't fit his specific-unspecific requirements. He tried not to focus on a 'type' in case he unintentionally ignored someone he would actually like. He tried to be open about gender, men interested him more, but he guessed he wouldn't say no to a lady if they approached him, and didn't look too unpleasant, the experience would do him good and it wasn't like he didn't want sex, well the want was buried somewhere under the surface, just he never saw anyone and thought wow, I want to see you naked, feel what it's like to fuck them (or be fucked, he liked to keep options open.)

At the age of 26 his inexperience frustrated him, making him feel more broken than his ability ever did. One or two guys had caught his attention, in hindsight they hadn't been that pretty but at the time he was convinced they were pretty, or at least intrigued him. But when it inevitably ended with the other ignoring his message's it didn't bother him, well occasionally, but anything was fair game on those 'oh woe is me' nights.

"Akutagawa"

Atsushi calling his name snapped him out of daydreams,

"Sorry" he blushed,

What had he been thinking when he had agreed to this date?! Ahh yes experience, and he did find Atsushi pretty, in an aesthetically pleasing sorta way, anything else and his mind just blanked on him. He did enjoy Atsushi's company too, the Weretiger had grown on him during the six years they had known each other.

"You picked a nice place," cursing himself for letting the conversation lull,

Atsushi smiled, Akutagawa breathed a sigh of relief, he wanted Atsushi to have a nice night even if his own heart wasn't totally in it.

They carried on chatting, discussing their favourite bands, tv shows and books. Atsushi getting closer to him as they talked.

He panicked, was he supposed to be getting closer to Atsushi, did he expect him to touch him?!

Atsushi yawned, smiling at Akutagawa,

"It's a nice evening, shall we take a walk?"

"Sure,"

They made their way out of the café, neither were particularly interested in alcohol, dealing with the mess that was drunk Chuuya and Dazai had put them both off, very quickly, and it had allowed them both to come straight from work.

"There's a park just around the corner, it's beautiful in the twilight."

"Okay," Akutagawa smiled,

Atsushi slipped his hand into his, Akutagawa's heart rate picked up, was Atsushi going to kiss him? Was he supposed to be making the move? He was the elder and Atsushi had taken the lead a lot tonight.

But.

He had never kissed anyone. Was he supposed to ask him, or otherwise announce his intentions? Or just pucker his lips and launch his face at the other man? Would his inexperience show? Atsushi knew he didn't date much, he had just conveniently left out the fact that much could also mean never…

He shook his head, so much for not overthinking things tonight.

Atsushi had stopped them on a bridge overlooking a small, man made lake, Akutagawa smiled,

"You were right, this is a beautiful vie-"

Atsushi cut him off,

"Not as beautiful as you," he twirled a piece of Akutagawa's hair, before placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

Huh, this isn't too bad.

Atsushi ran his hands down Akutagawa's chest, causing him to gasp. Atsushi took the opportunity to add a tongue to the kiss. Caught by surprise, Akutagawa spluttered, taking a step back from Atsushi. That was…unpleasant, maybe it would get better if they did it some more?

"Sorry, I was a bit surprised is all." He blushed,

"It's fine, you're so pretty tonight I got a bit carried away."

Atsushi's hands were still on him, slowly moving,

"Do you want to come back to my place? It's not far from here. I'd love to see what you look like under all these frills, maybe hear your pretty voice calling out my name."

Akutagawa froze, no-one had asked him that before, and he'd always bargained with himself that unless he'd regret saying yes more than saying no, he'd go for it if someone suggested having sex, there was just one problem…

"I want to, it's just," a pause, "I've never had sex before."

"Oh, well that's fine. We can go as far as you want, well, as far as your comfortable." Atsushi kissed him again, he didn't pull back spluttering this time, but it still felt foreign to him. Atsushi pulled away smiling,

"C'mon," he grabbed Akutagawa's hand again, "it's about a five-minute walk"

Atsushi made small talk as they walked, taking them into a more residential area, the neighbourhood looked familiar but Akutagawa couldn't work out why, granted his mind was panicking at a hundred miles an hour.

He was going to have sex, what if he didn't like it? He had explored his own body, jerking off was fine, but anytime he had tried fingering himself any feelings of arousal had just poof! gone, like his body was bored and had had enough of his efforts. He hoped he would be too side-tracked by Atsushi for his mind to pull that trick tonight.

The gate clanked shut behind him, startling Akutagawa out of his thoughts.

"Wow, you have a nicer place than I expected," he remarked as they made their way into the two-storey house.

"Thanks, Fukuzawa loaned me out to the mafia for some uhh legal missions, the payments let me buy this outright, I never thought I could have my own house." He smiled.

"It's lovely, cosy."

"So, do you want to go straight upstairs or…?"

"Yeah, I've got less time to overthink if we keep moving," he laughed, his nerves showing.

Atsushi led the way upstairs, Akutagawa guessed he should be using this opportunity to check out Atsushi's swaying ass, but meh, it was there. Maybe he just wasn't an ass man?

Making their way into the bedroom, Atsushi kissed him again, before leading him to sit on the bed.

"Can I take your top off Aktugawa?"

"Sure,"

He undid the buttons, kissing a trail on the skin as it was revealed.

Akutagawa felt nothing, he reached up to undo Atsushi's shirt, hoping the distraction would work. He tried to mimic what the Weretiger had done, kissing the skin as he undid the buttons. Atsushi moaned at the contact, getting to the waistband of his trousers, Akutagawa noticed the bulge, he ran a hand over it. Fascinated that he had caused a reaction so quickly in the other man, whilst his own body was stubborn in its disinterest.

"Stop, please." Atsushi's voice came out strained,

Akutagawa immediately shuffled back, what had he done wrong?

"Atsushi sor-"

"No, no, it's my fault," he sighed, "if I'm honest, I've had a crush on you for a few years, so to have you here, touching me. It's," a pause, "amazing, but I want to make sure we only go as far as you're comfortable, I don't want my wants to force you into something you'd regret."

Oh, not his inexperience's fault then,

"I want this. I want you to…"

Atsushi pinning him to the bed with a kiss cut off his request,

"Are you okay if I top? I can make it really good for you," he smiled suggestively,

"Sure,"

Akutagawa moved his hands to undo Atsushi's trousers, although he was at the wrong angle to get them off

"I'll do it," he slid the trousers and pants off, before stripping Akutagawa of his.

Akutagawa took in the sight of the naked Atsushi in front of him, the man looked…alright. He desperately wanted to see the weretiger as 'hot,' be eager to run his hands down muscles he had gained fighting alongside him. There was nothing to particularly dislike about Atsushi, just Akutagawa didn't quite feel attracted to his physical form. Maybe it would come as the night progressed? A real life naked man in front of him was a lot to take in.

He gasped in surprise, as Atsushi took his half-hard cock in his mouth, it didn't take long for it to become hard.

Huh, some parts of his body were enjoying this, even if the rest of him was disinterested. He moved his hand to touch Atsushi's dick. Atsushi moaned,

"Your hand feels so good,"

He pulled away from Akutagawa's cock, reaching into a drawer for lube and a condom,

"Get comfy and relax, I'm just going to prep you so it hurts less okay?"

Akutagawa nodded.

He had hoped Atsushi fingering him would feel good, the other man was alternating between kissing him and whispering praise in his ear, it just felt odd, not unpleasant enough to make Atsushi stop. He pulled his fingers out,

"Last time, you happy for me to continue?"

"Yes," he smiled, trying to look enthusiastic

"Good" Atsushi smiled

He put on a condom, more lube, then slowly entered Akutagawa. Atsushi moaned,

"You feel, so good Akutagawa," he kissed him, giving the other man time to adjust.

"You can move… please"

Atsushi set a slow pace, each time he hit Akutagawa's prostate it earned a startled moan.

Akutagawa fidgeted, glad Atsushi was too in the moment to notice his silence, Atsushi was moaning, swearing, repeating Akutagawa's name, and Akutagawa? Well, part of him was thoroughly enjoying it, but the pleasure felt numb, the rest of him disassociating and disinterested in the pretty boy fucking his ass. Frustration ruled.

Atsushi's thrusts became erratic, it was too much for both of them, as they came together, Akutagawa with a low groan and Atsushi calling the others name. He pulled out and rolled onto the bed next to Akutagawa. He cleaned them both up before pulling Akutagawa close to him.

"Was that worth the wait?" he smiled, drowsy,

"Yeah," he lied.

"Good," he cwtched into Akutagawa, it wasn't long until he was snoring.

Akutagawa waited 20 minutes until he was sure Atsushi was out cold, he shimmied out from the Weretigers embrace, grab his clothes and slunk out of the house. Tears falling as he made sure the gate was locked behind him. He finally remembered why the neighbourhood was familiar, he had a safe house nearby. He moved quickly, in case Atsushi had woken up, he found his house easily, turning Rashomon into the key. The door shut behind him; he didn't bother turning the lights on as he made his way to his bedroom. Collapsing on the bed still in his clothes,

"Fuck!" he yelled into the pillow, tears falling faster now, he was frustrated, Atsushi obviously liked him, and he didn't mind him so why had he felt like that. He knew first times were unlikely to be amazing, but surely, you'd want to do it again, even if it wasn't with that person? Why couldn't he just be attracted to him like a normal person? The first person in his life who had actively chased him and meh, he wasn't bothered, and Atsushi was nice, and he'd just abandoned him, lied to him, rather than face his failings. He had always told himself that maybe that's how everyone thought, the instant attraction, always wanting to fuck was a figment of the mass media's imagination, Atsushi's clear want for him told him otherwise though, that his disinterest was the anomaly. He had convinced himself that he was fine with not dating or finding strangers on the street attractive, he had better stuff to do, as it would click one day, but what if, what if it wasn't going to? Stuck alone forever, incapable of having a normal relationship.

Rashomon taped the side of his face, he cwtched into the creature his ability made, crying and overthinking until the early hours, when he finally fell into an exhausted sleep.

A/N

At the moment this in my mind is complete, I may add another chapter in the future when he faces Atsushi the next morning-ish, but I can't decide if he'd be accepting (probably, cos Atsushi is so nice and accepting) or an utter jerk about (cos sometimes it's nice to push them a bit ooc) but anyway, this is very much in the far future, but I'm aware it just sorta ends.


	2. Denial

**Denial**

Hi! So Akutagawa still has a lot of denial, frustration, unwillingness to let go of how he thought he love life should look in this chapter.

Whilst this is in the E rating, there is no sex, kissing etc lots of swearing though (it just made more sense to do it as chapters rather than a collection with different ratings) I'd guess he still has some internalised aphobia (not sure, but after comments on the last chapter, I'm trying to think of anything that people may find uncomfortable to read without prior warning)

Please let me know what you think :)

Atsushi woke up to an empty bed. As he had fallen asleep cwtching Akutagawa, he thought he would've stayed. He sighed, checking his phone, hoping for a message from the other man, instead he saw 10 missed calls from various agency members. A text came through from Kunikida

_Urgent mission, working with PM, get to the agency headquarters asap. _

Another message came through, this time Dazai

_Kunikida-kun wouldn't add this, bring that lover boy of yours with you, claim you "accidentally" met on the way. Don't worry I won't tell them… _

Atsushi groaned, why did he tell Dazai about his plans?! He got out of bed, he had perfected the art of a quick shower and change of clothes after a few messy missions. He didn't really want to face Akutagawa as his disappearing and silence made him think he had greatly misjudged the others interest in him. Akutagawa had enjoyed last night, hadn't he? Granted he didn't seem as enthusiastic about it all as Atsushi had been, and they had moved a bit fast. He shook his head. He could just talk to the other man later, right now he needed to focus, if it included the Port Mafia, this wasn't going to be an easy mission.

Akutagawa was awoken by a loud shrill noise, just before Rashomon devoured the noise making nuisance he realised it was his phone. It was a text from Higuchi

_Sorry to wake you, urgent mission that requires us to work with Agency, please come to the headquarters, and report to the Boss immediately. _

Akutagawa cursed, working with the agency almost always involved him working with Atsushi. He checked the time; he had had 30 minutes sleep. He took a quick, cold shower hoping it would wake him up a bit. Getting dressed, he checked his reflection in the mirror, his eyes were ringed in red, his face covered in red blotches and looking paler than usual. He slathered on some eye cream hoping to ease the strain in his eyes, he could do nothing about the blotches, he hoped his reputation would stop any questions from the other Mafia grunts.

It did not.

Everyone he passed on his way to Mori's office made a comment on his appearance. He ignored them, choosing to glare at them, he didn't think he was doing a particularly good job considering he was ready to fall back asleep.

Mori gave him a quick overview of the mission, it was easy enough to do, except

"The success of this mission rides on you and Atsushi-kun working together,"

He was too tired to mask his displeasure at Mori's plan

"Akutagawa," a warning tone to Mori's voice, "I thought you two had gotten over this childish rivalry, just the other day Chuuya-san was telling me you two were meeting up outside of work," he paused, taking in Akutagawa's red eyes and blotchy face, he hadn't seen the boy in this state since Dazai had found him, Mori's voice took on a softer tone as he continued, "What you do on your own time is not my business, I don't know or want to know what that Weretiger has done to you, but you will pull yourself together and complete this mission to our usual standards. After you report back to me you may take the rest of the day and tomorrow off. I expect you back to your usual state when you return. Got it?"

"Yes sir," he was embarrassed, and slightly pissed at himself for letting this get the better of him.

"Good, Chuuya is waiting for you,"

Akutagawa turned to leave,

"Oh, and Akutagawa,

"Yes?"

"Please don't kill or badly injure Atsushi, it may feel good at the time but the regret sets in fast,"

"I will keep that in mind Sir,"

The door shut behind him. He took the elevator down to the floor he usually met Chuuya on. It was thankfully empty of guards,

"Fuuuuck," he let out a yell,

"Language, young man!" a female voice yelled, coming from somewhere behind him.

In his sleep deprived state, he didn't recognise the voice, Rashomon lashing out, only to be stopped by Golden Demon.

"Ryunosuke Akutagawa! How dare you use your ability against me!"

He spun round,

"I'm so sorry Ane-san" he bowed, counting to five before he straightened, as they had been taught, before meeting her eyes.

Koyou took in his red eyes and blotchy face, and Golden Demon flickered before disappearing,

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," he gritted out, "I'm just on my way to meet Chuuya for this mission"

"After you've reported to Mori, come meet me for tea, maybe Chuuya can join us."

"Sure," Chuuya's voice came from behind Akutagawa, he had been watching the exchange waiting for his moment. "C'mon the quicker we start this mission, the sooner we can come back for tea."

The mission was a success, no one was injured as the Mafia and Agency were well used to working alongside each other at this point. Akutagawa stuck to his promise and treated Atsushi with a cold politeness. As he was making his way to Chuuya's car, Atsushi caught up with him,

"Akutagawa, about last night, if I did something wrong," there was genuine concern in his voice, and the niceness tipped Akutagawa over the edge, his words tumbling out,

"Yes," _No, "_You did," _it's me, "_how could I ever like someone like you," _you should be perfect for me, I just "_Leave me alone", _wish I was normal, _

"I'm sorry, Akutagawa, we can still be friends though, right?"

The words were out of Akutagawa's mouth before he could stop himself,

"Fuck off," _I'm sorry, _"Nakajima," _Jinko. _He spat the last word, trying to sound disgusted.

He got into Chuuya's car, eyes watering, before he could ruin his friendship anymore, Chuuya had the decency to not ask what the hell was wrong with Akutagawa, instead patting the younger boys' shoulders as he tried to hold back the tears. He would need Ane-sans help to get to the bottom of Akutagawa's problems.

Akutagawa quickly reported to Mori, before making his way to Ane-sans office. She had a set of interconnecting rooms; she had turned the corner room into a space fit for a tea ceremony. He knocked on the door,

"Enter,"

Ane-san and Chuuya were already sat on the floor, facing each other around the low table.

The setup reminded him of five years earlier. He had come to them distressed and in need of advice. Higuchi had finally acted on her feelings, he had felt nothing for the girl and after politely rejecting her, he had ended up wandering the halls confused. Chuuya and Ane-san had talked to him, assured him it was normal, he was probably just into men, it had made sense at the time. Especially as Mori had made sure his Mafia was a safe place, open to any (legal) relationship, anyone, executive to underling who disagreed was quickly disposed of. He sat down next to Chuuya,

"I've just poured your tea Akutagawa,"

"Thank you, Ane-san," he took a sip, it tasted amazing

"So, tell us what happened with you and Atsushi?" Koyou asked,

"Dazai said you had a date last night?" Chuuya added

"Yeah, we went to a café, then for a walk in that park near his house, well it's near my one safe house too." He paused, drinking more of his tea, "he kissed me, we," he blushed, "had sex, then I left,"

"How the hell does that end in you yelling at him to fuck off?" Chuuya asked

"I didn't enjoy it." He stated, emotionless.

"That is not a good enough reason for reacting like that." Ane-san paused, "Where are your manners young man?"

"No," he shook his head, "you don't get it, I don't even get it. I just didn't like it, I don't get what so good about kissing, someone else's tongue jabbing at your mouth. I touched him and he moaned and just…meh, when he touched me, it's like I was numb. I should want him, it's _normal_ to want someone like him. I just, I snapped at him so I wouldn't have to face telling _him_ this, he's so nice he'd try to fix it and just I think I'm too broken for anything to work. I thought maybe I just don't like Atsushi, maybe I need to find another man, maybe it would feel right…" he trailed off, taking another sip of his tea, Ane-san and Chuuya were quiet, waiting

"Thinking about it, I don't think I've ever looked at someone and wanted to kiss them, fuck them, whatever, I just thought it would _click_ when I got in those situations, but everyone thinks like that, right?

"Not really, I mean, why would you put yourself in that situation if you're _that_ disinterested?" Chuuya asked, confused

"Because I'm a twenty-six-year-old who has no experience, well I guess I do now, I just really, truly thought that it would all fall into place when I experienced it."

"That's not how it works…" Chuuya trailed off when Ane-san gave him a death glare,

"What Chuuya is _trying_ to say is, most people go into dating with a little bit more enthusiasm, a bit more interest," she paused, "have you heard of Asexuality?"

Akutagawa shook his head,

"Someone who is Asexual does not experience sexual attraction, they're not drawn to people in that way, and if there is attraction, they don't really feel the need to act on it sexually. Which sounds a lot like what you experienced with Atsushi."

"Then I'm going to be alone forever? I mean, I've never wanted to have kids, babysitting Gin and her partner's kids is enough," he laughed, then sighed, "I've always thought I'd settle down, with my husband, maybe a pet or two and have our happily ever after. But who is going to want to date someone who doesn't even find them attractive? Someone who's going to feel disgusted at the thought of kissing them?!" He took a deep breath, "Why is this so hard? Why can't I stop repeating the same things with no answer," he groaned.

"Akutagawa, calm down," Chuuya patted his back, trying to soothe him, "this confusion, denial, it's all normal." Chuuya looked to Ane-san, hoping she had more to add to calm him down,

"You won't be alone forever, there's plenty of other people who think like you out there. Asexuality is quite broad, you may find you experience romantic attraction, or aesthetic attraction, the way you described your feelings I'm going to guess sensual attraction may be out," she pulled a leaflet out from under the table, "have a read through this, and have a look online, take your time and work out what feels right for you. In time you will find someone who fits your happily ever after, you just have to rethink how it's going to look."

Akutagawa took the leaflet,

"Thank you, Ane-san," he yawned, the last few hours were really catching up with him.

"Go and get some rest, and if you need to talk through this some more, my door is always open. Chuuya has experience in this area to." She smiled

"Thanks," he stood up, bowed to both of them and made his way to the door.

"Akutagawa?"

"Yes Chuuya?"

"The sooner you accept what you feel the better it'll be, denial only hurts you in the long run, trust me." 

End

A/N Asexuality information comes from  ?q= 

I promise Akutagawa stops being so 'oh woe is me' in the next chapter, he gets the hang of it, and starts to accept his emotions and what his love life is going to look like. I'm hoping the last chapter will be up in the next few days (but now I've said that my mind will probably refuse to play and it'll take weeks...)


	3. Acceptance

Hi! So, this did end up with a happy ending! A lot shorter than the last two chapters but I wanted to get him out of the denial phase and more towards it being normal for him,

The next two months were a blur to Akutagawa, shortly after returning to work, he and Chuuya had been sent on an urgent mission in Europe. It was rare for him to go but he enjoyed the change of pace, and the fact he could focus on something other than his love life. The mission had gone well, and he and Chuuya were relaxing in the living room of the cabin they had called home for the last two months. They were due to go back to Japan in the morning and Chuuya had opened a bottle of wine to celebrate. He offered Akutagawa a glass but he refused.

"So, did you look up the stuff on asexuality like Ane-san suggested?"

"Yeah, I'm still not sure if that fits me, I really think I'm just picky, you know?"

Chuuya sighed, frustrated, "You're almost has stubborn as Dazai was when he working this out,"

"Excuse me?" Akutagawa was really confused, was Chuuya drunk already?

"Dazai's whole lady wooing personality is a front. Like you the concept of dating confused him, so he covered it up. When he joined the agency their fancy detective," he paused, clicking his fingers trying to remember

"Ranpo?"

"Yes, Ranpo, explained asexuality to him. Granted Dazai ignored him for a very, very long time, trying to hold on to that ideal of normal. Like you are."

"But you two have been dating forever, and Dazai definitely isn't against kissing or touching you."

"If you'd let me finish. Dazai is demisexual," he paused to take a sip of his wine,

"That's the one where you need an emotional bond first?"

Chuuya nodded, "Yeah, after our reunion, I made a move, but he rejected me, explaining what he felt, or well didn't. So, I left him be, content to be friends. Then about two years later, out of the blue, he told me he was starting to feel attracted to me." he paused, the smirked, "Do you know that's the only thing I've ever beaten Dazai in?"

"What do you mean?"

"I've dated a few people, but I'm the only person he's ever kissed, touched, fucked. The great Dazai who's better than everyone in everything. Anyway, he's not really a fan of sex but will do it occasionally, and he's still jumpy when I touch him. But what I'm trying to get at is, when he started accepting who is he, it let him open up. I'm not saying a relationship like ours will work for you, but the sooner you accept that you're not picky, even a little bit, that your disinterest _is_ normal, the happier you'll feel and the easier it'll be to work out what you _do _want"

"I did see online that there's a meetup in Yokohama on the weekend, I think that Poe guy from the guild runs it?"

"Yeah, him and Ranpo run it, Dazai took me a few times," he didn't add that it was around the time that Dazai started accepting his sexuality, he didn't need to scare Akutagawa off. "It really helped him, talking to others who felt the same."

"Good," Akutagawa smiled

He was stood outside the café he and Atsushi had had their first date in. It was an hour before Poe and Ranpo's meetup. It was fine when he was in Europe but now he was home, the guilt at how he treated Atsushi wouldn't leave him alone. He'd been amazed when the weretiger had answered his text. Atsushi was already at their table,

"I'm sorry," Akutagawa greeted him, taking the seat opposite.

"I'm listening," the reply was abrupt

"I may have taken my confusion out on you. You were nothing but nice to me, and you thought I was as on board with what we did as you were. I mean, I kinda was I just urgh, I wanted to be normal, not disinterested in it all. After some thinking, and research and uhh pushing from Ane-san and Chuuya, I," he stopped, he was babbling, he knew he should've written down what he wanted to say.

"You're asexual?" Atsushi, asked quietly

"Probably, I mean I'd much rather go with picky, but Chuuya made some good points about uhh not lying to myself. Wait, how did you know?"

"Well Ranpo talks about it, and Dazai had a word with me. We were out on a job when I got your text about meeting up, I may have cursed you a bit, a lot. But he convinced me to see what you had to say and that you needed a friend. I should've known that something was off with the look you gave me when I kissed you, I was just blinded by my own wants. Not that it excuses you being a jerk to me the next day, but," he paused, "I'm happy to start again, as friends."

"Friends?"

"Yeah, I enjoy your company, especially now you've stopped trying to kill me. I don't think we'll end up in a relationship like Chuuya and Dazai but I'll help you where I can." He smiled.

"I was planning on going to Ranpo's meetup tonight, I'm a little nervous, would you come with me"

"Sure"

As they left the meetup Akutagawa realised Chuuya had been right, talking to others who had the same experiences as him did help. His disinterest wasn't going anywhere and denying it helped no one. Seeing Poe, Ranpo, and other happy, asexual couples had made him realise that his dream of a husband a happily ever after, wasn't so far fetched after all.


End file.
